Category Archives: General

“Setting limits is the most important and most difficult step in handling High Conflict People.” Continue reading

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“Paint a picture of that person treading water alone in the ocean. When we extend logic, explanation, insults and avoidance to them, they just sink deeper. Arms flailing, they’re barely able to keep their head above water.” Continue reading

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You can’t put the cart before the horse. High Conflict People need to be calmed before they can find the bridge to logic. Continue reading

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“Every time you react to the attacks, you are fueling the High-Conflict Person’s fire to continue with even more attacks.” Continue reading

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If we aren’t likely to resolve the conflict by legal reasoning and persuasion, and if threats don’t work, what can be done? Continue reading

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We all have dealings with high-conflict people, in our families, at work and in our communities. They often catch us by surprise with their extreme thinking, emotions and behavior, which can include: an inability to compromise, lying, spreading rumors, stealing, … Continue reading

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Your tendency will be to have and desire as little contact with the HCP as possible. Don’t fall into that trap. Continue reading

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Your divorce isn’t like your friends divorce, yours is different. Your divorce is high conflict. You need strong and secure boundaries, clear and concise communication and you need to document your Ex’s manipulative behaviors. Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, Guest Blogs, High Conflict People | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

If you act reasonably and use the cooperative problem-solving skills you use in daily life, you risk losing your case, your kids and your property because family court is a highly adversarial process that rewards combative thinking and behavior. Continue reading

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The High-Conflict Person’s deeply-felt belief that they’re right and you’re wrong results in an intensity that scares us, so we end up avoiding them altogether or bending the boundaries to avoid being yelled at or even feeling uncomfortable. Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, Guest Blogs, High Conflict People, Professionals, Workplace | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

“A person without personality awareness skills might think that so-and-so is a real jerk and to be avoided. But someone with personality awareness skills knows to consider that the new friend might actually be the person to avoid and that so-and-so is actually a nice guy. More information is needed and those with these skills know generally where to look.” Continue reading

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I like BIFF- great concept. What if you’re talking with someone who has already pre-decided that whatever response you give, it will be received as an attack? For example, brevity = passive-aggression and detailed/normal = active-aggression.  How do you crack … Continue reading

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A BIFF Response is a great thing use but it’s not a cure for narcissism or teenage angst. Putting this into practice effectively requires not only learning the four steps, but having a good working knowledge of the reasons why it works. Continue reading

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When dealing with high-conflict people in close relationships or at work, it is especially important to set limits on their unrestrained aggressive behavior, yet to do it in a way that doesn’t make things worse. Continue reading

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“Our modern problems are too complex to simply react to them – we need to use our full capacities to analyze and manage them.” Continue reading

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If you think you are going to be dealing with an HCP, avoid getting hooked and feeding the conflict by reminding yourself of these two steps before you start talking. Continue reading

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Posted in Education, Family / Relationships, General, High Conflict People, Professionals, Workplace | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

“This ‘commenting’ seems to occur almost unnoticed by each person saying it, as if it was part of the language of the day.” Continue reading

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Posted in Family / Relationships, General, Social Media | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

“Unless they feel comfortable in saying ‘I don’t see it, can you tell me why it is obvious to you’? You are in conflict and you don’t know it.” Continue reading

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Posted in Education, Family / Relationships, General, Guest Blogs, Professionals, Workplace | Tagged | Leave a comment

I recommend having a “Private Working Theory” that someone may be an HCP. You DON’T tell the person and you don’t assume you are right. Continue reading

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“Let your child experience you not as angry, defensive or even offensive. Let your child experience you as untouched by the nasty comments or innuendo because if it is untrue, there is nothing to defend against and you move on.” Continue reading

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